I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was born a porn star she said
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
