even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hippo gnu deer
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize