were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
