We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
