plz talk dirty to me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
