drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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