I need help removing her.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
