I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
