if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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