physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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