Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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