why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
