too bad you live with your parents still
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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