I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
