Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
