at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
