I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
