i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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