haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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