i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
