I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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