Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
