Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize