i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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