His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
