Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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