Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
