i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
