I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
