I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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