I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
