In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
