I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He passed out mid-signature
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize