some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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