We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
