Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
