He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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