i just had sex bonerless
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
