stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
