Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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