Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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