I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
