Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
