I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
