As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
