Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
