is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
