you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
