Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
