I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
