Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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