My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
