your room smells of hookers.
And success
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
