If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
