i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
