New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
