Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
