If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
