i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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