Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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