Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
