i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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