"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
