Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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