I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
