dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
